Want To Be A Good Dad? Support Mom And Avoid Father’s Rights Groups

Want To Be A Good Dad? Support Mom And Avoid Father’s Rights Groups

Written by Trish Wilson

Over the past decade, fatherhood has been all the rage and dads are naturally the talk of pundits on Father’s Day. So let’s say you’re a divorcing dad and you’re having trouble coping. You look for help on the internet and discover the father’s rights movement.

Be warned – avoid father’s rights groups like the plague. According to the pro-feminist men’s group The National Organization For Men Against Sexism (NOMAS), “male supremacist groups (“Father’s Rights”) have caused unspeakable harm to our country and to our children by encouraging abusive fathers, often with little past involvement with their children, to seek custody as a tactic to pressure a mother to return or to punish her for leaving. “Shared parenting”, “friendly parent”, involvement of both parents and other concepts that seem fair and benevolent have instead been used to manipulate courts and legislatures to help abusive fathers.

For instance, women are routinely denied custody of their children after being classified as “unfriendly” for asserting that the husband has abused them or their children.” Father’s rights groups prey on confused men angry and sad over the break-up of their relationships by stoking their rage and insecurities. In addition, father’s rights groups encourage men to fight for custody of their children by using harmful tactics that further erode their relationships with their ex’s – and by extension their children.

How can a dad – unemployed or working outside the home – be a good father? Not by fighting for custody or demanding “shared parenting” after divorce or breakup. The best way a dad can be a good father is by providing support to the mother of his children, including both financial and emotional support. According to Florida attorney Elizabeth Kates, “a father’s most important role, and the one common “father factor” in all research that indicates any correlation between father involvement or presence and positive effect on child well-being is: a father who emotionally cares for, financially supports, respects, is involved with, takes some of the work load off of, and generally makes life easier, happier and less stressful for. . . his children’s mother.”

If dad wants to make sure his children thrive he must do whatever he can to ensure that their mother is thriving. Stop fighting for “shared parenting” or sole custody if you are in court. Don’t badmouth their mother. Stop hiring paid mouthpieces that tout the latest psychological theory to show that the children are best off with a dad who had never acted as their primary caregiver. I know this will piss off lots of men but it is the truth.

Don’t believe me? How about the research?

A seven-year study by Dallas’s Timberlawn Psychiatric Institute found the one factor that was the most important in helping children become healthy, happy adults, was the quality of the relationship between their parents. This one factor was more important than giving kids hugs, providing good discipline, building their self esteem, or any other aspect of what is traditionally considered ‘good parenting’.” Other studies found that “the strongest single factor associated with resiliency in early years is social attachment to a primary caregiver. There is considerable evidence linking secure attachment to social and academic competence and positive developmental outcomes, such as improved communication, problem-solving, social relationships and grades” and “the single most important determinant of child well-being after divorce is living in a household with adequate income.”

Even the National Fatherhood Initiative agreed with the mother-needs-support assessment when it found that “the best thing a dad can do for his children is love their mother.” Researcher Michael Lamb, known for his studies of fatherhood, noted that “…the warmer, the richer, the more supportive the relationship he has with the mother, the better he is able to be a supportive and loving father for the child.”

So dads, the message is clear. If you want your children to grow up to be happy and healthy adults, the best thing you can do for them is to make sure that their mother is comfortable, healthy, and happy. When primary caregiving moms thrive, children thrive. And happy children enjoy their fathers more.

FATHER Runs Over And Kills His Two Children With His Car

Robert Carter accused of hitting, killing his 2 kids with his car

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

DERMOTT, Ark. (KTHV) -- A Chicot County father is accused of hitting and killing his two young children with his car. It happened Sunday afternoon. Police say Robert Carter, 23, is expected to be charged with two counts of capital murder.
Crime tape and tire tracks are all that's left of a horrific scene in Dermott.
"Crazy tragedy. What pushes a person to that point?" says Chicot County Sheriff Ron Nichols.

He's been in law enforcement for more than 20 years and says he's never seen anything like it.
Nichols explains, "I feel so sorry for the kids and the mother, and the entire family."

He says 18-month-old Amoni Elasia Carter and her sister Nekole Carter, 4, were murdered Sunday afternoon. Their mother, Latasha Figures, 24, was injured.
"They were going across the yard and the dad came up in a yard and just run over them," explains Nichols.
Police say it happened not once, but twice. 
Carter is the children's father and mother's ex-boyfriend. He was reportedly driving about 25 to 30 miles an hour
Nichols says, "Backs up comes around and does it again from what I've been told."
Police say that's when the children's grandfather got a gun and shot Carter in the knee. Meanwhile, a motive is unclear. Police had never responded to a problem with the couple before. But Today's THV has learned there was a no contact order in place.
Sheriff Nichols says they hope to learn more once they can interview the mother. She's in stable condition at a Little Rock hospital.
"I don't know if there is closure," adds Nichols.
They are the first murders in the small town of Dermott in at least five years. It's a yard forever scarred, but the girl's memories police say not forgotten.
Nichols says, "My heart goes out to both sides of the family."
Deputies say Carter wasn't drunk. As for his mental state, police aren't saying. He is in the hospital under protective custody. He is recovering from a gunshot wound to the knee.

'Daddy had a big gun,' Fort Pierce toddler who witnessed murder-suicide tells police

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/fl-fort-pierce-killings-20110418,0,5410880.story

FORT PIERCE—

A 22-year-old pregnant woman and her 48-year-old mother were shot dead on Friday by the younger woman's live-in boyfriend, who then committed suicide, an initial police investigation has determined.

A 3-year-old girl, the child of the younger woman and the man, was the only person found alive when police arrived. A responding officer heard her say, "Daddy had a big gun," according to the police report. The child was uninjured.

"The child was in the house when the shooting occurred and unfortunately did witness this horrific incident," Fort Pierce police Sgt. Dennis McWilliams said in an email on Monday.

McWilliams, a police spokesman, said that the state Department of Children & Families had taken custody of the girl.

Investigators received a phone from the home on Quincy Avenue about 7 p.m. on Friday by a woman believed to be either Stephanie Carrier or her mother, Robin Carrier. Police arrived to find those two women and Christopher Covington, 25, all of the same address, dead with gunshot wounds to their heads.

Investigators believe that Covington became enraged and shot both women inside the home, then shot himself in the home's garage. Police said the motive for the shootings is still under investigation.

Police arrested Covington on Jan. 11 and charged him with aggravated domestic battery on a pregnant woman, after witnesses reported seeing him hitting Stephanie Carrier in the parking lot of the Fort Pierce Kmart store and, later, in a green Ford Explorer that Covington drove from the scene with Stephanie Carrier as a passenger.

Covington reportedly fled the vehicle on foot when police stopped it on Colonial Road. The couple's 3-year-old daughter and Stephanie Carrier, who had a bloody lower lip, remained in the truck.

According to the police report, Stephanie Carrier reportedly told officers that she and Covington had been together, on and off, for four years, that they had a 3-year-old daughter, and that she was currently three months pregnant with his child.

Stephanie Carrier refused to complete a victim statement, the police report noted. It also recorded that Stephanie Carrier told officers that Covington had never before hit her, but that Robin Carrier told police Covington had hit her daughter on at least one prior occasion.

Police apprehended Covington and charged him after a foot chase that ended at the intersection of Mayflower Road and Mayflower Lane. Asked by officers why he had struck Stephanie Carrier in front of their daughter and other witnesses, Covington reportedly said it was because she had been unfaithful to him.

On Friday, a neighborhood witness told police that she had heard five shots coming from the house.

The apparent double-murder and suicide remains under investigation.

Justice For Children WARNING: Don’t Fall for discredited “Parental Alienation Syndrome day” April 25th

Justice For Children WARNING: Don’t Fall for discredited “Parental alienation syndrome day”

For Immediate Release             Contact: John Hrabe

March 27, 2009                                                                                   (562) 276-5898

JUSTICE FOR CHILDREN WARNING: DON’T FALL FOR DISCREDITED “PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME DAY”

(Houston, TX) – Justice for Children, one of the country’s leading child advocacy organizations, issued a warning to all 50 Governors and state legislatures against the latest attempt to legitimize a dangerous pseudoscientific theory by designating April 25^thas “Parental Alienation Syndrome Awareness Day.” Judges, prosecutors, psychologists and child advocates agree that parental alienation syndrome is “junk science” that abusive parents commonly use to shift attention away from their abuse. 

“Parental alienation syndrome has been debunked, disproven and discredited by every major group and association involved withchild abuse cases,” said Tom Burton, General Counsel of Justice for Children. “Even with nearly unanimous agreement, defense attorneys continue to propagate this bogus theory in order to protect abusive parents.”

Seventeen US states have issued proclamations honoring April 25^th as “Parental Alienation Awareness Day.” This year, PAS radicals have targeted Texas Governor Rick Perry with an online petition. Child advocates like Justice for Children warn that such honorary proclamations give dangerous legal legitimacy to this debunked pseudoscientific theory.

The Children’s Protection Alliance shares on its website the story of Alanna Krause, one child affected by this bogus theory.

“Finally, one day my father threw me into a stone wall at school and a teacher called Child Protective Services. He’s never said as much, but my father panicked. He had worked so hard to build a delicate set of lies and twisted truths to present himself as the well-meaning parent whose “unstable” ex-wife had given his troubled daughter “alienating parent syndrome,” resulting in abuse “delusions.” The truth was his worst fear.”

The public can learn more about parental alienation syndrome from the attached fact sheet or by visiting the Justice for Children website at www.justiceforchildren.org.

For over two decades, Justice for Children has been the country’s leading voice for abused and neglected children. JFC provides free legal support for abused children, sponsors legislation to increase children’s right, and exposes the systemic failures of bureaucratic child welfare agencies.

###

 

Parental Alienation Syndrome: Debunked, Disproven and Dangerous Theory 

Abusive Parents Commonly Use PAS to Shift Attention Away from their Abusive Actions

National District Attorneys Association: Parental Alienation Syndrome is “Unproven Theory That Can Threaten the Safety of Abused Children”

“PAS is an unproven theory that can threaten the integrity of the criminal justice system and the safety of abused children. It is not capable of lending itself to hard data or inclusion in the forthcoming DSM-V.  In short, PAS is an untested theory that, unchallenged, can have far-reaching consequences for children seeking protection and legal vindication in courts of law. Prosecutors and other child abuse professionals should educate themselves, their colleagues and clients when confronting PAS in the legal realm.” (Source: National District Attorneys Association, Update – Volume 16, Number 6 & 7, 2003 “Parental Alienation Syndrome: What Professionals Need to Know”)

Parental Alienation Syndrome: “Unscientific Piece of Garbage,” “Not Research Based” & “A Great Injustice to the Family”

“Probably the most unscientific piece of garbage I’ve seen in the field in all my time. To base social policy on something as flimsy as this is exceedingly dangerous. PAS is not research-based, and it has done a great injustice to the family and the justice system.  The criteria that Dr. Gardner has developed are virtually useless. He operates on the premise that if you say a lie often enough, people will believe it.” (Source: Dr. Jon Conte, a psychologist at the University of Washington, “Has Psychiatry Gone Psycho” April 26, 1999, Insight on the News)

Past President of American Psychiatric Association: “Junk Science Used Nationwide by Batterers as a Courtroom Tactic to Silence Abused Children”

“Parental Alienation Syndrome has been used nationwide by batterers as a courtroom tactic to silence abused children by attempting to discredit their disclosures of abuse. This theory is not recognized as valid by the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, or the American Medical Association. Parental Alienation Syndrome is not accepted as a psychiatric diagnosis, and has been rejected by the mainstream psychological community. Parental Alienation Syndrome is junk science; there is no valid research or empirical data to support this unproven theory.”(Source: Dr. Paul J. Fink, past president of the American Psychiatric Association, and Hon. Sol Gothard, retired judge and former faculty member for the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, Los Angeles Daily Journal, November 1, 2005)

Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family: Parental Alienation Can Be Used by Violent Parent Against Victim

“Noting that custody and visitation disputes appear to occur more frequently when there is a history of domestic violence.  Family courts often do not consider the history of violence between the parents in making custody and visitation decisions.  In this context, the nonviolent parent may be at a disadvantage, and behavior that would seem reasonable as a protection from abuse may be misinterpreted as a sign of instability. Psychological evaluators not trained in domestic violence may contribute to this process by ignoring or minimizing the violence and by giving inappropriate pathological labels to women’s responses to chronic victimization.  Terms such as `parental alienation’ may be used to blame the women for the children’s reasonable fear or anger toward their violent father.” (Source: American Psychological Association, “Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family” 1996)

National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges: Parental Alienation Syndrome “Discredited by Scientific Community,” Should Be “Inadmissible in Court” & “Diverts Attention Away from the Behaviors of the Abusive Parent”

“The theory positing the existence of “PAS” has been discredited by the scientific community. In Kumho Tire v. Carmichael , 526 U.S. 137 (1999), the Supreme Court ruled that even expert testimony based in the “soft sciences” must meet the standard set in the Daubert case. “Parental Alienation Syndrome” does not pass this test. Any testimony that a party to a custody case suffers from the syndrome or “parental alienation” should therefore be ruled inadmissible. The discredited “diagnosis” of “PAS” (or allegation of “parental alienation”), quite apart from its scientific invalidity, inappropriately asks the court to assume that the children’s behaviors and attitudes toward the parent who claims to be “alienated” have no grounding in reality. It also diverts attention away from the behaviors of the abusive parent, who may have directly influenced the children’s responses by acting in violent, disrespectful, intimidating, humiliating and/or discrediting ways toward the children themselves, or the children’s other parent..” (Source: National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges. (2006). Navigating Custody & Visitation Evaluations in Cases with Domestic Violence: A Judge’s Guide, 2nd edition Page 24)

Professor of Pediatrics and Child Abuse Expert: Parental Alienation Syndrome is an “Atrocious Theory with No Science to Back It Up”

“Dr. Eli Newberger, a Harvard University Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, states, “This [parental alienation syndrome] is an atrocious theory with no science to back it up.” Harvard’s Dr. Eli Newberger, an assistant professor of pediatrics and an expert on child abuse, said he’s been called on by state child protection agencies to evaluate ambiguous disclosures of abuse in divorce casesand believes that PAS deflects any real investigation into such allegations.” (Source: Talan, J.  Richard Gardner and Parental Alienation Syndrome: In Death, Can He Survive? Psychiatrist Richard Gardner’s theory Used by Parents in Child Custody Battles Gained Prominence — And Critics. Newsday, 07/01/03.)

American Medical Association Does Not Recognize Parental Alienation Syndrome

“PAS is not listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) as a psychiatric disorder and is not recognized as a valid medical syndrome by the American Medical Association, or the American Psychological Association.”(Source: Dr. Jon Conte, a psychologist at the University of Washington, “Has Psychiatry Gone Psycho” April 26, 1999, Insight on the News)

There have been numerous studies regarding Maternal Deprivation, with a large source of information coming from Bowlby, based on Spitz and Goldfarb, and also from unethical animal experimentation. Overwhelmingly, research shows that severing this natural bond between a mother and child causes severe emotional and behavioral problems, such as depression and psychosis. The phrase maternal deprivation is the terminology used in the early work of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby on the effects of separating infants and young children from their mother. Some of the research was previously used to discourage mothers from working or using childcare, but it seems important to revive these studies as children are being deprived of their mothers intentionally by abusive men who claim to be “parentally alienated” in an ongoing scandal that rivals that of the Catholic Priest sexual abuse cover up. 

Maternal Deprivation Abuse (MDA), has been identified as occurring with great frequency in legal proceedings, with specific unethical lawyers, psychologists, and judges perpetrating the the same scam on mother after mother with similar horrific results for the children. There has been death by suicide, suicide attempts, depression, academic distress, retaliation by a child against a PAS claiming father, and untold misery for the victimized children and mothers.

Based on Bolwby’s theories, Maternally Deprivation affects children as follows:

• Complete or almost complete deprivation could “entirely cripple the capacity to make relationships.”
• Partial deprivation could result in acute anxiety, depression, neediness and powerful emotions which the child could not regulate.
• The end product of such psychic disturbance could be neurosis and instability of character.(Bowlby J. (1951) pps. 11–12)

“Mother love in infancy and childhood is as important for mental health as are vitamins and proteins for physical health.” (Bowlby, 1953.)  Child psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907–1990).

FATHER Slaughters his Family, Wife and Three Children (all under age of 4)- Marital Problems alluded too..

There is ALWAYS a “history” of ‘domestic’ or a divorce, or other legal action being sought or pending in all these cases where the father kills his wife and children. Entitlement at all costs. Ownership pure and simple—then, they blame MOM- for stressing DAD out with “marital problems”  or other—e.g. “She ran her face into his fist”.

This is what Father’s Rights- a Federally Funded program is creating—not More FATHER involvement—Just more FATHERS killing. More MOTHERS being stripped of their children, in any way—including death. Maternal Deprivation, Revenge Murders. Gee, thanks dad!

OAK HARBOR -- Investigators are not releasing any details about what caused a Salem Township man to kill his wife and three of his children, then himself late Friday night.

Police believe Alan Atwater, 31, shot his wife Dawn, 30, and their children Ashley, who just celebrated her fourth birthday about two weeks earlier; Isaac Atwater, 2, and Brady Atwater, 1 1/2. Alan Atwater called the Ottawa County Sheriff's Office at 12:11 a.m. Saturday morning.

"There's been a terrible accident at my house," Atwater matter-of-factly told a dispatcher. "My wife and three children are dead. Gunshot wounds, and I'm getting ready to kill myself right now."

The chilling call lasted only about 35 seconds.

Alan Atwater told the dispatcher he shot his family members, but ended the call as soon as she began asking him details of what happened.

Ottawa County Sheriff Bob Bratton said deputies arrived within minutes to the two-story farmhouse, but saw and heard no movement within the house. Bratton said the sheriff's office Special Response Team set up a perimeter for their own safety, noting that even with what Atwater said in the call, they couldn't be sure if it was a hostage situation -- or a set-up for an ambush.

Atwater's grandmother Joan Atwater, who lives only several hundred feet from the home, was listening to the police scanner when she heard deputies dispatched to the house. She tried to call 20 or 30 times, by her estimation, but got no answer.

Sheriff's deputies tried to reach Alan by phone. They also enlisted the assistance of Joan as they tried to contact Alan using loudspeakers. They received no answer with that, either.

At 2:52 a.m., SRT officers broke into the house and found the bodies in an upstairs bedroom. Brady was in bed; the remaining family members, including Alan, were on the floor. No note was found, Bratton said.

On Sunday, Bratton said investigators had been made aware of marital circumstances that may have caused problems, but declined to elaborate.

"We're more aware of certain situations than we're going to talk about early on in the investigation," Bratton said. "During the press conference yesterday, we still had investigators at the house."

More information will be made available after the investigation is complete, Bratton said.

In what turned out to be the last time Neil Atwater saw his grandson Alan, there was something about him that seemed a little off.

Neil's wife Joan described her grandson, 31, as a workaholic and the kind of person who was always there for his family, be it working the family farm, helping them through times of illness or helping her learn how to use a computer.

"He didn't act like Alan," Joan remembered Neil telling her Friday.

"Obviously, this is a tragedy," said Ottawa County Sheriff's Capt. Olen Martin. "The community is shocked."

Including Atwater's grandmother.

"I cannot believe this happened," Joan Atwater said. "I never expected something like this.

"We don't know what went on," she said. "He said they had marital problems, but we all have marital problems."

Bratton said Alan Atwater had no criminal history beyond traffic violations, and they were never called to any kind of domestic incident at the home.

Todd Schneider, spokesman for FirstEnergy, said Alan Atwater worked in the maintenance department at Davis-Besse Nuclear Power Station.

"He was a skilled craftsman and an instrument control technician," Schneider said.

While Schneider said FirstEnergy wouldn't release any more details on Atwater's employment Sunday, he did confirm that Atwater, as a condition of employment at Davis-Besse, had previously completed at least one psychological evaluation.

Bratton said Dawn Atwater didn't work outside the home.

Joan Atwater said her grandson also helped with the family farm run by her husband, whom Alan Atwater addressed not as "grandpa," but as "chief."

She said Dawn Atwater was a quiet person, but the children were starting to get chatty as they got older. Isaac always came up to her and tried to talk to her, she said.

"Ashley was getting older and a little more talkative," Joan Atwater said.

Atwater also had a 12-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, Bratton said.

Atwater and the girl's mother had joint custody, and she was in Lucas County this weekend, Bratton said.

On the social networking site Facebook, Dawn Atwater's profile features family photos, including her husband and children.

In one comment on the Atwaters' wedding photo, which features Alan, Dawn and Atwater's 12-year-old daughter, a friend asks why no one's smiling.

"Yeah, we were fighting on our wedding day!!!!" Dawn wrote.

The friend followed up with kind encouragement.

Bratton said he doesn't understand Alan Atwater's actions.

"The one thing I can't get over is that he chose this," Bratton said, going on to say there is help for every person in any given situation.

"This is just a tragedy," he said. "I am baffled how anyone could point a gun and kill a little child."

The case remains under investigation by the sheriff's office and the Ohio Bureau of Criminal Identification and Investigation.

Bratton said Sunday he wasn't certain if autopsies had been completed by the Lucas County Coroner's Office.

Funeral arrangements for all five Atwaters are pending at Crosser Funeral Home in Oak Harbor.

This is the second multiple murder in Ottawa County in six months. B.J. Liske was arrested and charged with the Halloween murders of his father, stepmother and stepbrother in their Benton Township home. Liske is at the Erie County Jail awaiting trial.

"For some reason, this is how people are finding a resolution to their problems," Bratton said. "I wish I had an answer, but I don't."

Email Vince Guerrieri at vguerrie@gannett.com.
Email James Proffitt at jproffit@gannett.com.

Race to Stop the Silence: Seventh annual 8K/5KRace to Stop the Silence in DC on April 23, 2011. (Stop Child Sexual Abuse)

Stop the Silence: Stop Child Sexual Abuse, Inc.

http://www.stopcsa.org/

The seventh annual Race to Stop the Silence (Stop Child Sexual Abuse) is nearly around the corner and back at Freedom Plaza in Washington, D.C. on April 23, 2011. It's an 8K Race, 5K Fun Run and Walk, and 1K Kids' Fun Run.  There is a fast, flat course. There are awards (e.g., fancy restaurant dinners, UnderArmour shirts, and more) and random prizes for overall winners, placers, and participants. Lots of yummy after-Race food and beverage.  Speakers. Entertainment. Lots more! Great for the whole family.  More than 1,200 are expected.  Come join us! For more information and registration, please go to: www.stopcsa.org/race. 
Use the link below to register online now!
http://www.active.com/event_detail.cfm?event_id=1877318
See you there!

Pamela Pine, PhD, MPH
Founder and CEO
Stop the Silence
P.O. Box 127
Glenn Dale, MD 20769
www.stopcsa.org
ppine@stopcsa.org
301-464-4791
Join the Race to Stop the Silence on April 23, 2011. Register at www.stopcsa.org/race.

Join the Race Facebook event page at: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=177338488955827&num_event_invites=0#!/event.php?eid=163268997034661

 

The Mission of Stop the Silence, a 501(c)(3) organization, is to expose and stop child sexual abuse (CSA) and help survivors heal worldwide. Our Goals are to: 1) help stop CSA and related forms of violence; 2) promote healing of victims and survivors; and 3) celebrate the lives of those healed. Through our work, we aim to address the relationships between CSA and the broader issues of overall family and community violence, and violence within and between communities. Our focus underscores a needed focus on positive development within social complexes (e.g., relationships between men, women, adults and children, cultural groups) to support peaceful – and to hinder violence-prone – relationships. Our areas of focus are: 1) support for services; 2) advocacy; 3) training of service providers; 4) community education and outreach; 5) policy; 6) research and evaluation; and 7) other prevention measures (e.g., a focus on offenders).

Why do Battered Women Stay with Their Abusers? - The Holly Collins Case

www.NoWayOutButOne.com

http://americanchildrenunderground.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-do-battered-women-stay-with-their.html

A few months after Holly Collins turned 22 years old she opened the front door of her family home in St Louis Park, Minnesota to Hennepin County Child Protection investigators. They made it known that they were aware of her husband’s abuse to her and her children, specifically citing a recent fracture to her little boy’s skull. This young mother was warned that if she didn’t flee immediately with her children and file for an Order For Protection her children would be removed from her care as well and there would be a procedure of Failure To Protect charges filed against her. This is one way to force a battered woman to leave her abuser and protect her children. One may think it is a bit harsh to threaten an abuse victim with criminal charges but perhaps necessary to protect her and her children.

It is incomprehensible that as a result of the Order For Protection, which was granted and forbade Mark Collins from abusing his wife and children, the father was simultaneously granted unsupervised visitation with the very children he abused. This girl, barely a woman couldn’t understand the ramifications of the family court system. Holly Collins sought out the Child Protection Investigators who forced her to take her children away from their abusive father and went directly to the Child Protection office in a panic begging them to protect her children. “This is why I stayed” She wept “At least I could protect the children MOST of the time. Now my children have to go alone with him and there is no one there to protect them.” The child protection desk agent was sympathetic but explained that once this battered woman took actions to protect her children and left her abuser the case was then transferred from Juvenile Court to Family Court and it was her duty as a mother to get the family court judge to protect her children.

In the meantime Holly’s young children would return from court ordered visitations battered and bruised. Holly’s little boy was treated by their pediatrician for injuries sustained from his father‘s abuse. The doctor’s report documents the bruises to the young lad and clearly states “Mother will be alert for abuse potential situation.” For 5 more years Holly Collins was alert and vigilant to protect her children but time after time and one court hearing after another Mark Collins somehow managed to convince the judge that Holly was trying to “Alienate” him from his children’s lives. Eventually a family court judge instructed Holly to take the children to the Boston Children’s Hospital to be evaluated by the Child Abuse Trauma Team and he simultaneously ordered a custody evaluation. Both Dr. Eli Newberger and the entire investigative team at the Boston Children’s Hospital found that the children and their mother were severely abused by the father. Back in Hennepin County the Family Court Investigator also confirmed domestic violence but conceded that Holly’s fear of her husband was although unwittingly was indeed interfering in the children’s relationship with their father. And just like that custody was reversed to the very man who terrorized, beat and battered this woman and her children.

Holly eventually fled the country with her children and was the first American citizen granted asylum in the Netherlands. After 14 years in hiding she was found by the FBI. After a lengthy investigation All international and domestic kidnapping charges were dismissed. When questioned by reporters in the lobby of the Minneapolis Court House Holly Collins responded that the biggest mistake she ever made was leaving her abuser.

Is this really the message we want to send to abuse victims?

written by Jennifer Collins